The current job market is tight, and tight job markets make people nervous. If you notice a coworker criticizing you publicly, belittling you, and making everything a competition, it might not be because they’re a bully — they might just feel threatened.
While being in this situation is uncomfortable, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your working relationship. If you’re aware of the signs a coworker is threatened by you and know how to deal with it, chances are you can salvage the relationship — or at least cope with their behavior.
7 signs a coworker may feel threatened by you
Feeling some envy at work is normal. If your boss sings another team member’s praises or someone with similar career goals gets promoted, some jealousy is understandable. These feelings might even motivate you to reflect on and improve your performance.
But if envious feelings persist across teams, they can lead people — yourself or others — to behave in ways that damage both individual workers and organizations.
Here’s how to know if a coworker feels threatened by you:
1. They avoid you
If a coworker tries to get out of spending time with you and doesn’t answer messages or emails within a normal timeframe, this could be their way of managing the difficult emotions they feel when you’re around.
Jealous coworkers might also ignore you when you speak and exclude you from social events to try and bring your confidence down or skew others’ impressions of you.
2. They sabotage you
An envious coworker might deliberately withhold information you need to do your job well. They might also refuse to help you or assist in a confusing or misleading way.
If the coworker controls your workload, you might find they’re micromanaging you or assigning tasks that are either too easy (impeding your career development) or too hard (making you look bad when you make mistakes or ask for help).
3. They’re overly competitive
Healthy competition can improve productivity, prompt personal growth, and provide a way to recognize and reward top performers.
But if a coworker becomes competitive about things that don’t matter (e.g., how healthy your lunch is or what car you drive) or if they’re competing when they should be cooperating, they might be looking for ways to feel better when you’re coming out on top in the metrics that matter.
4. They make critical or sarcastic comments
If a coworker points out your failings unkindly or in front of others, it's a clear sign they’re trying to drag you down. Someone who’s feeling threatened by you may also make snide comments to your face or behind your back, spread rumors, or complain about you to your manager.
5. They take credit for your achievements
Another sign a coworker is competing with you is that they steal credit for your ideas and contributions. Perhaps you’ve discussed a suggestion privately and they announce it as theirs before you can, or they put their name on a report you wrote.
This dishonesty is a backhanded compliment: your work is so good they want to present it as theirs. But this behavior can have serious professional repercussions, as it prevents you from getting the recognition you deserve.
6. They always respond negatively to your ideas
Critical, objective feedback on ideas is essential in the workplace, and providing helpful input makes you a good team player. But if a coworker constantly picks holes in your suggestions instead of supporting them, they might be trying to undermine your ideas to ease their jealousy or make you look bad.
Constant criticism is dangerous in the long term, creating a toxic work environment that threatens everyone’s well-being and professional success.
7. Their body language changes when you’re around
Most people learn to hide envy, especially in the workplace, to avoid confrontation and ensure coworkers feel supported. But some people are better than others at controlling their body language.
You may notice changes in your coworker’s facial expressions, eye contact, and gestures when you enter their space. Defensive body language (crossed arms, turning away from you, or leaning back) suggests they’re trying to manage negative emotions.
Aggressive body language (getting too close, making uncomfortable eye contact, or clenching their fists and jaw) might be an outward reflection of anger and jealousy.
Handling the situation with grace
In a way, it’s a compliment if a peer feels threatened by you. It means they see you as a strong performer. But being on the receiving end of bad behavior doesn’t feel good, especially if it’s affecting your performance.
Here are some strategies for dealing with workplace jealousy.
1. Understand the psychology of envy
If you dig deep enough, envy is usually just a cover for profound feelings of insecurity, fear, and shame. Your threatened coworker may have low self-esteem and fear they’ll lose status, miss out on important opportunities, or even lose their job.
They could also hold anger toward you for unintentionally triggering these feelings. Negative feelings don’t excuse bad behavior, but understanding the coworker may help you empathize with them and approach the issue more compassionately.
2. Affirm them publicly
Research shows that people are more open to rival coworkers’ ideas if they evaluate the ideas after thinking about their own core values and personal strengths (e.g., “I act to protect the environment” or “I’m a good dancer”). To activate this tendency, consider pointing out things your coworker is good at or seeking advice from them so they feel valuable and helpful.
Possible examples of compliments for coworkers who feel threatened include: “You have such a great work ethic,” “I really value your experience,” and “I admire how you handled that challenging situation.” Try to focus on aspects of the job you know the coworker values or sees as strengths.
3. Humanize yourself
Talk openly about mistakes you’ve made and embarrassing moments. If you show humility, your coworker could feel less of a need to tear you down.
Talking about your failures and what you learned from them also shows people your success isn’t just good luck. Sharing these stories may even motivate them to improve instead of spending their time cutting you down.
But there’s a caveat: don’t discuss failures and flaws you feel deeply vulnerable about. Extremely jealous coworkers may use your words against you later on.
4. Talk to them about it
If you think the jealous coworker might be receptive to a one-on-one conversation, consider talking to them privately. Quiet discussions can help you deal with difficult people head-on by listening, empathizing, and setting clear boundaries if needed.
Instead of trying to address everything at once, focus on one particular situation or pattern (e.g., “I was wondering if we could talk about the meeting we just had,” or “I’ve noticed that when I share ideas you sometimes respond very critically”).
If they’re receptive, you could probe slightly to find the underlying cause. Maybe they’ll share that they’re struggling financially and could have used the raise you got or that since you started working there they feel less supported by their manager.
And if appropriate, consider discussing how the coworker can make amends for their behavior. Perhaps they took credit for your work and could email the team to clarify the workload split. Or, if they made sarcastic comments in meetings, they could commit to openly praising an idea of yours next time.
If everything goes well, you might even end up with a new work friend.
5. Talk to your boss
If you trust your boss, consider talking to them about your coworker’s behavior. Keep it professional and positive, and be clear that you aim to cultivate a positive working relationship, not to get the boss to take sides in a workplace dispute.
Your boss may be able to talk to your colleague and assuage their fears or locate the root of the colleague’s scarcity mindset — that is, why they believe there’s limited appreciation, attention, or recognition to go around.
Your boss may also be able to make structural changes so the environment is less competitive. For example, they could:
- Eliminate stack ranking, which encourages people to compete directly against one another
- Give the two of you separate sets of responsibilities and measure your performance using metrics that aren’t easily comparable
- Experiment with a system that measures people’s current performance against their past performance
- Encourage teamwork by cultivating competition between teams instead of individuals
- Actively cultivate an atmosphere of positive empathy in which people genuinely celebrate each other’s successes
6. If necessary, go to HR
If your boss isn’t helpful or is the threatened coworker, your best bet is to take the issue to the human resources (HR) department. Around 10% of workers experience abusive supervision: their managers belittle them, scapegoat them, and take credit for their work.
If you know your boss won’t help, document the incidents by recording detailed descriptions and dates, bring them to HR, and file a formal complaint. But remember that while HR might try to resolve the conflict, its primary function is to protect the company.
If the environment is truly toxic and you’re not getting anywhere, consider seeking coaching to lay the groundwork for a career change, polishing your resume, and searching for another position with a healthier environment.
Don’t dim your light to make others feel comfortable
Positive workplace relationships are essential to both your mental health and the organization’s overall functioning. They increase job satisfaction, help you feel a sense of belonging, and provide support in times of stress.
But there’s only so much one person can do to improve a two-person relationship. Ultimately, you have a right to feel safe and valued in your workplace.
So even if you’re considering signs your coworker is threatened by you and how to deal with it, you don’t have to dismiss this person completely. You never know — you might enjoy some healthy competition that allows you to reach new heights.
