The beginning of a new romantic relationship is a special time. The first few dates can be exhilarating, filled with nervous laughter and small discoveries. It’s easy to become immersed in passion and excitement — and even overlook your compatibility.
But relationships are complex. As exciting as the first flames of new love feel, the infatuation and excitement of new partnerships will eventually give way to familiarity. At this point, even the most passionate relationship needs something to sustain it beyond mutual affection and common interests.
That’s when the shared values in your relationship can see you through.
Once you move beyond the initial courtship, shared core values form the foundation of compatibility a relationship needs to grow and thrive. But despite their significance, potential partners often find it challenging to have a productive conversation about their moral guideposts in the early stages of a connection.
While understanding one another’s values is necessary for a healthy relationship, exploring them doesn’t have to be a nerve-wracking conversation. Start by learning about what matters to you. From there, you’re ready to have a dialogue that guides you toward a future as friends or romantic partners.
What are relationship key values?
On the surface, relationships seem straightforward. You meet someone, and an initial spark of chemistry leads to a connection. Over time, that connection deepens, and you begin to build a life together.
But the road to a happy ending is rarely so smooth. On top of romantic qualities, a healthy relationship requires a mix of vulnerability, trust, and honesty. As a partner, your core values determine how and if you’re able to meet those emotional needs.
What does “core values” mean? They are your moral North Star: a set of fundamental personal beliefs and principles that establish your standard of behavior and influence how you see the world.
When living in the rosy glow of a new relationship, it can feel natural to let your needs slide a little or confuse affection for compatibility. But over time, if you and your new significant other(s) don’t share key values, the incongruity can become detrimental to your relationship.
20 examples of relationship key values
Sharing similar core values can indicate a potential relationship’s success, but that doesn’t mean you and your partner(s) need to agree on everything. It’s still possible to have a lasting relationship with different values.
If you can respect their point of view, avoid compromising on deal-breakers, and work to understand one another, you have a solid foundation. Common examples of core values and beliefs include:
Communication
Poor communication is one of the top reasons for divorce. To thrive, partners must clearly express their feelings and needs and have the skills to actively listen to and understand each other. Doing so creates communication channels that allow partners to have productive conversations and resolve any issues in their relationship without harmful arguments.
Family
Are you interested in marriage? Do you want kids? Do you expect your elderly parents or family members to live with you? Being aligned on these values can reduce potential conflicts and make integrating into a larger family unit a more seamless process.
Respect
Mutual respect creates equality in your relationship. It allows you to have differences while still feeling valued. For example, when your partner comes home from work, they need 30 minutes to decompress from the stress of the day.
Even though you would rather chat about your days and start working on dinner together, you understand and respect their need for time alone. After they’ve recharged, you can begin your evening together.
Open-mindedness
Being open-minded doesn’t mean you lack morals or understanding about what’s OK and what isn’t. It means that, for a moment, you can put aside your beliefs, biases, and assumptions to entertain other perspectives and engage without judgment.
Forgiveness
Mistakes happen. No one is perfect, but allowing your partner(s) to grow from a one-time error without resentment and recrimination enables your relationship to survive lapses in judgment and move forward.
Gratitude
People like to be appreciated. Regularly telling your partner(s) you’re grateful for everything they do demonstrates that you value their role in your life. It may also release the love hormone oxytocin in their brain. The result is an increased sense of well-being, closer bonds of intimacy, and a stronger relationship.
Well-being
Looking after each other is essential in any relationship, as is looking after yourself. Taking time out for self-care means you have the energy to participate in fun activities with your friend or partner(s) while having the resources to meet any challenge, mental or physical.
Support
Providing help in times of need inspires an invaluable sense of safety in a relationship. Whether it’s a word of encouragement, advice, or something more concrete, the support of a loved one can tip the balance toward a successful outcome in times of stress.
Flexibility
Changing and adapting to new circumstances builds resiliency in a relationship. It also adds an element of trust and safety, making it easier to find compromises and leaving you open to new experiences.
Growth
Sharing a desire for growth can stoke the passion in your relationship. Novel experiences help partners grow together, while self-improvement can boost your mood and confidence.
Loyalty
Knowing your partner has your back and that you'll face problems together can help reduce the mental energy necessary to cope with a crisis. You can lean on your partner(s) and share in their strength to find a solution.
Financial responsibility
Money issues factor into about 25% of all breakups. Finding a partner (or partners) whose spending patterns, debt aversion, and saving habits closely match your own can reduce friction around financial decisions.
Empathy
Putting yourself in your partner’s (or partners’) shoes and caring as much for their well-being as yours can help you bridge the gap between different opinions, interests, needs, and personal boundaries.
Trust
Trust informs how secure you feel within your relationship. A trustworthy partner leaves no doubt they have your best interests at heart and that your need for physical and mental safety will be honored.
Honesty
Building trust in a relationship requires a foundation of honesty. You and your partner(s) should feel at ease, knowing you do what you say and say how you feel without games or hidden meanings. Your relationship is an open book with nothing to hide.
Intimacy
Frequent displays of affection, time alone together, emotional vulnerability, and physical closeness. These are all intimate needs that contribute to your partner's (or partners’) physical and mental wellness and the overall health of your relationship.
Spirituality
For many people, an external belief system is an important part of their lives. Sharing common spiritual or religious values — regardless of your individual faiths — helps provide your relationship with guiding principles that simplify decisions surrounding finances, parenting, and more.
Accountability
Recognizing and taking responsibility for how your behavior affects others provides stability to a relationship and improves its longevity. It allows a partner (or partners) to speak honestly about how your actions impact their lives, knowing you’ll act to rectify any harm.
Humor
Sharing a sense of humor can be essential. Laughing together indicates a strong mutual attraction. Plus, it can help to reduce stress and anxiety, making it easier to face difficult situations together.
Work ethic
Relationships require effort to maintain. All partners should be willing to put in the work necessary for their relationship to thrive. Partners share everything from emotional labor to doing the dishes — if someone carries too much of the mental load, it can lead to anger and resentment.
Why shared values are important in a relationship
Sharing core values is vital to a healthy long-term relationship. Without them, life together can begin to degrade, and friction may become unavoidable.
Communication, conflict resolution, problem-solving, and decision-making are much more straightforward when people's morals and principles align. You can approach an issue from a similar perspective and draw on compatible values to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs.
Consider a couple facing monetary challenges. As individuals, they both value financial responsibility. Many options are open to them, and because they see eye-to-eye on managing their funds, they readily agree to set a budget instead of debating whether they should take on credit card debt or cut their spending.
Shared values can also affect the dynamic between a couple. Because you have morals and principles in common, it creates an atmosphere where you can count on a partner’s understanding.
For example, if you each value your faith, you’re comfortable sharing spiritual insights or challenges, and your partner(s) can validate your feelings and offer meaningful support. You feel safe sharing that part of yourself, knowing your experience is understood.
Ultimately, shared values let you remain true to yourself. Because you agree on fundamental issues, it’s less likely you’ll need to compromise on big, important issues. And while compromise is part of a healthy relationship, going against your morals can lead to internal conflict and resentment towards your partner(s).
When it’s time to talk about values
Making the leap to discuss your principles with a new friend or partner can feel like placing your relationship in a make-or-break situation.
But talking about the type of core values you aren’t willing to compromise on is a necessary risk. You owe it to yourself to know how the other person feels about the things most important to you.
There are two ways you can approach the conversation.
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The first method is to be direct and ask your friend or partner(s) to set aside time to discuss a topic. With the heads up, all parties can prepare your thoughts and approach the conversation with your emotions in check.
This route ensures that you don’t put off the talk indefinitely and get to the heart of any issues in the early stages of your relationship.
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The second approach is to wait for the conversation to evolve organically. Ask questions about their family, career, and future goals when the subjects come up, and pay attention to their behavior.
You can also take advantage of opportunities that arise on their own. Suppose you’ve just watched a television show with a complicated parent-and-child relationship — you could use the episode as a springboard to discuss family values and healthy boundaries.
No matter how you launch the conversation, your goal should be an open and honest exploration of each person’s feelings. Keep the talk low-key and relaxed. Choose a calming setting, like over coffee at the kitchen table or during a nature walk — wherever you both feel at ease.
Take your relationship to the next level
A new romance is all about discovery. You and your partner(s) are learning everything there is to know about each other, including — most importantly — the morals and principles you value in a relationship.
These conversations are a healthy way to deepen your connection and build trust and intimacy. Don’t shy away from them — embrace transparency as another step on your journey toward a happy, loving relationship.
